Nothing Like A Good Jab

The cycle is the first cycle that I have still been jabbing drugs through the 2ww.

Now I don’t mind the odd needle here and there, its just that my tummy doesn’t feel the same.

Scott is the jabber in our house and hes just about sick every time he thinks about it.

Today I thought I would get very brave and take a photo of his ‘art’ work.

It actually looks much better in the photo than it does in ‘real life’.

Only about 8 more days of jabbing to go! Ha ha

 

BTW – My tummy is not the greatest at the best of times so please forgive me. However it is a little on the swallon side atm.

 

 

 

1/2 Way Through The 2WW

Well I’m half way through the 2ww and I feel just fine!

No desperate need to pee on a stick.  I have not been feeling my boobs constantly, I don’t feel sick, I just feel normal.

I’m 99% sure this go will not work.  And that’s ok.  There will be other cycles.

I’m VERY use to this now.

I know I have a week to go before my bt but no, I wont feel the need to do a HPT.

I’m on ‘happy pills’ you see.  They keep me so calm I just don’t have that burning desire to go to the shops and buy boxes of pee sticks.
Hell I have one in my bathroom and I can safely say I wont use it!!!

I brought it 3 cycles ago and never felt the need to use it.  They are evil little things anyway.

So I will just plod along for the next 7 or 8 days.

I have booked in to see our Dr the day of our bt so if it is a neg we can discuss what to do next.

Interesting Website On UCA

I have been reading a bit about UCA (Umbilical Cord Accidents) and was discussing this in a support group. One of the members sent me this website to have a look at.

I have not read it all but what I have read is very interesting (VERY sad that there even has to be a site on it) but thought some of you might be interested in reading it.

http://www.preginst.com/

It is an American site so many of you may have come across it already.

A New Look – Again!!!!

Ok, once again the look of my blog has changed!!  Will see how long this once lasts for.  I just cant seem to find a theme I like.

From A Special Person

 

 

Our love for you is not written on paper, for paper can be erased.

Nor is our love for you etched in stone, for stone can be broken.

But our love for you is inscribed in our hearts, where it will remain forever.

 

 

This was made for me by a VERY special person a few months ago. The verse at the top of the post is what is written under Zak’s photo.

I have been trying to work out how to get it on here at a size that can been seem for a while now. I can be very blonde sometimes. Lol

Anyway I worked it out today and wanted to share it with you all.

Thanks so much Lisa.

 

How Many More Of ‘Those’ Phone Calls Will There Be?

You know when your baby dies and you get the people who call to say how sorry they are and then you get the people who call to see how your pregnancy is going because they have no idea your baby is dead??!!

When do these calls ever stop?

For months after Zak died I would get phone calls or run into people at the shops who didn’t know what happened. They would ask where our baby was. ‘You must have given birth by now?’

‘Yup sure have, we had a boy, he died’.

What else do you say. You kind of feel like you have to jump in with the ‘dead baby’ bit before they congratulate you because it will be far worse for them to say ‘how happy they are for you’ and THEN get told your baby is not alive.

So you jump in to tell them your sad news. Almost like your desperate for them to know, almost giving the impression your a hard, uncaring person who doesn’t care your baby is dead. But you do it to save THEIR feelings.

I wonder if they know that?

I thought I was over running into people or having people ask. Its been months since I have had a phone call from a caring person who is just calling to see how I am. A phone call from someone who I have not talked to for so long that the last time I saw them I wasn’t even pregnant.

So when the phone rang today and the person at the other end asked ‘ what we had been up to’ my heart dropped to the very bottom of my stomach.

‘What do you know?’ I had no idea if someone had told her. How much she knew, if she knew anything about what had happened.

So when she said ‘nothing, why what’s happened’? I just wanted to die.

It knocked the wind out of me and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to hang up and cry. Instead I just cried.

I was so sure phone calls like this were finished with.

They are draining conversations to have. They upset all that are having the conversation. I feel bad for the people that ring, having no idea what they are about to be told.

You can tell they are just wanting the ground to open up so they can fall in to a big hole. You know they wish they hadn’t called at all. And you know they probably wont call again.

Thanks For Your Comments

I just want to thank everyone who comments on my blog.

I’m one of those people who gets excited when I get a bill in the post, let alone a letter.

So you can imagine how excited I get when I see someone has posted.

Its nice to know there are others out there who think what you have to say is worth commenting on, and that people do care what you are going through.

I try and comment on EVERY blog I read because I know how much it means to people.

I saw a post yesterday about it being ‘ leave a comment’ week.

I think that’s a great idea and I hope to read more comments from anyone who is reading but yet to leave their thoughts.

Some People Just Shit Me

Have you ever thought that someone has been put on Earth to upset and piss you off?

Drive you insane and annoy the shit out of you?

Be opinionated and judgemental?

Make you want to scream, yell and slap them?

I have contact with one of those people.

I hope she falls out of a tree and stubs her toe!

Transfer Done – The 2ww Begins

Well things could have been better, but then things have been much worse. 

So maybe that’s why I’m feeling so calm and relaxed.

We went in for transfer yesterday and I was given 10 mg of valium!  Off my face I was. Lol  Anyone who knows me will have a bit of an idea just how ’stoned’ I was.

We were told we only had 2 embies.  And to make things worse, they were not the best looking embies either.  But hey, that’s better than our last cycle.  We had NO embies.

‘The Captain’ and the scientist seems so upset for us.  I really felt sorry for them.

I think I am coping well with the realisation that we probably wont get pregnant from this cycle because ………  We have had a baby die.  I don’t think you can get any worse than that.  So a bfn is really no big deal.

Is this a normal way to think or am I suffering from some kind of deep depressions and just don’t know it??????

After transfer I had to go back to the recovery room and was given some brandy!!!! Ha ha ha

So now I’m stoned AND pissed!

I told the lady beside me that I thought the clinic was going to try and kill her.  (very long story and she thought my drunken state was a hoot – thankgod)

And sent home with another 10 mg of valium. 

I guess that’s why I was unable to post on here yesterday. 

‘The Captain’ gives all of his women valium and brandy.  He likes you to be very relaxed.  Your insides and your head.  Hes ben doing IVF for over 20 years and is know at ‘Dr multiple’ due to the amount of twins, triplets and quads his girls spit out.  So I trust he wasn’t just trying to get me drunk.

So once again we are in the 2ww.  I feel calm and relaxed.

Cant do anything to change the quality of my embies so will just have to deal with whatever result we get in 15 days time.

S is playing Hitler.  I had THE most relaxing pregnancy with Zak and I can only imagine what he will be like if we ever get pg again.

I’m very lucky I have a husband who thinks like that.  So I’m not complaining.  But G it will be a long 9 months. Ha ha

Dig little embies, dig!!!!

PS.  ‘The Captain’ makes you sing a song at transfer.  Due to how ‘off my face’ I was I told him that I wasn’t sing.  But he informed me I WAS going to sing.  He made S sing as well. 

So while I was having transfer ‘The Captain’, S, the scientist, the nurse and I were all sing his stupid song!

I think he may down a few valium with a brandy before he comes to work in the morning!!

IVF Makes Another Dream Come True

A friend of mine has had a set of twins today.

I am so happy for her and her husband.

They have been trying for 10 long years and finally they have got their wish.

And they had a boy and a girl!!!!

Huge CONGRATULATIONS to R & A.

I’m so happy for you both.

* This is the couple I talked about in a previous post (BAD THINGS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE) when I thought she was going to go into early labor.