Hmmmm Now Where Is This Flower Shop, Mine Is Not Working :)

I so need to get myself to this ‘flower shop’!

Very cute and clever.

Take a look here and see what you think.

Cycle #9 Is Just Around The Corner

Ok, so the bitch should turn up tomorrow. She was due today but hell, as if shes going to start doing as shes told now! I’m on antibiotics at the moment and will be on them for at least 14 days. Our house has been hit with a horrible flu but I have also got some other strange things floating around in my system. I’m ok with all of this though. We are going to be doing cycle #9 next month and I would rather be a little run down to give me that little extra chance of getting pg. So next month look out. I’m really looking forward to cycling again. I’m not very good at having ‘IVF breaks’. Just feel like that’s time wasted.

I have spent sooooo many cycles taking a shit load of extra pills and potions that I would really love to do this cycle without anything but folic acid. Will see how I go there.

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Now for something different. Came across this on THELITTLESTBEAN BLOG . I thought it was very funny. Just put your blog URL in the space and see what happens. You will feel like your on another planet.

 

 

Sorry But I Would Not Share

Just jumping in for a quick look at all your blogs.

I will post something tomorrow when I have time.

But did want to say I had a HUGE giggle when I saw that someone had come across my blog by ‘Googling’ …………..   ‘Can my dog have Codeine’????

‘Most’ of you who know me IRL will understand just how funny I found this!

I must say though, as a lover of Codeine, I would NEVER share it with my dog. Now that is just a waste of some good drugs!

PS …. You all have no idea how long it took me to get my packet (empty – as if I would risk her eating my very loved pills ) of Panadeine 15 off Frankie. Lol She just didn’t understand that the photo was a ’setup’ and she was suppose to sit still with my drugs in her mouth and give them back after I finished taking the photos.

Stuffed On The Inside LOL

Well this thing has gone to my chest. Very nice.

But nothing I can do about that. Just have to go with the flow. Keep taking all those nice drugs filled with codeine.

Went to the Dr today to get my bt’s back.  My blood culture was ok but he said I have to have 2 more done. So I had one today and have one done tomorrow. He told me that 3 really need to be done as its a very unreliable test. He said if something shows up in that then its not good and he will put me into hospital for IV antibiotics. Nice. So I will find that out on next wed.

They did a few other bt’s, they all came back positive for what they were testing. Can’t remember what they all were but they indicated that I may have an infection somewhere in my heart caused by ‘maybe’ having Rheumatic Fever ages ago. Rheumatic Fever is hard to diagnose as there is not one bt that will give you a neg or pos. So they work off a checklist. I was treated about 10 years ago for Rheumatic fever so because of this he is going to treat me for it again. He said that if he does nothing and it is an infection in my heart it will just do more damage and if it isn’t that it wont matter as one of the other bt’s he did showed that some ‘odd’ (his words) stuff was going on in my insides anyway and even though he couldn’t work out what the drugs would probably fix that as well.  But because of the blood culture being done over the next few days he cant treat me for the RF until after he gets those results back.

If it is an infection caused through RF that explains my join pain and some of the other suss stuff going on inside.  My bt was positive for strep and a inflammatory infection and they both go with the whole RF thing as well.

After all of this I’m really no better off. I have been treated for it before. I went to the Dr this time thinking it had something to do with RF anyway. So I really don’t know anymore than what I did before I had the tests.

He didn’t want to know about my HUG headaches as he was really far to interested in my ‘odd’ bt’s. Everything that he thought would come back neg came back pos. Lol  Thankgod the only thing that is contagious is the strep throat and I not longer have that.

I actually feel much better now. The swollen joints and so on only ever last about 5 days.

The Dr is a hoot. He’s a little strange and I made the mistake of saying to him (when he said the bloods were strange) that if I had AIDS I wouldn’t be surprised as everyone in our family gets odd things.

As soon as I said that he goes ‘ oh G I never tested you for aids. Its not a test we automatically do. If you thought you had aids you should have said something’.

What a dick. I’m sure if I thought I had AIDS I would have mentioned it. Lol  He just doesn’t get my funniness. Ha ha ha

I Think This Is How I Cope

I did something kinda odd today. I cant tell my family, and I have not even told S because I know it will upset him. The rest of my family will just think I have lost the plot and that its totally unhealthy.

I have volunteered to the hospital Zak and I were sent to after he was born to be a ‘cuddle Mum’.

You help out in NICU with bubs that need physical contact. Babies that have to stay in hospital for weeks and months at a time don’t have their Mums and Dads there with them all the time.

So I’m waiting on a letter back from the hospital. I was honest and told them about Zak. And I’m guessing there is a huge chance I might look like some phsyco mother that’s out to steel someones baby. But it really has nothing to do with that at all. I just wanted to give something back to the hospital. I have worked with babies for many years and I ‘think’ I would be good at it.

Will see what they say before I tell S and my family about it. No use getting everyone upset if its never going to happen.

Also I wanted to thank you all for your replies to my last post. I feel better today. I think I was just tired and feeling really grumpy. I’m normally a much more understanding person. Just having a few odd experiences with people IRL as well as ‘net friends’.

Pissed Off For Just A Moment – But I Will Get Over It

Do you ever feel like you give and give and give and never ask for anything in return, and thats a good thing because your probably not going to get anything back?

You try and be a good friend. Worry how others are going. Check on people who you know have had the same kind of crap deal as you. Be happy for them when they are ‘doing well’ and be there for them when they aren’t.

Ok, so I’m not the nicest person in the world. I’m impatient, easily pissed off, normally say what I think and sometimes blurt out what I think before I have fully thought about what I’m saying (I will probably feel like this about this post after I have added it). But in general I do try and be a ‘good friend’, there for others, happy to hear others good and bad news, check on ‘friends’ who I know are having a shit time and in general, I hope that just sometimes I say something that makes others feel a little better.

But sometimes, maybe just once, I would like a little bit of it back. No I’m not there for others so they can be there or me. I have come to realise that some people, although they have experienced some really shitty times like S and I, just cant truly be there for anyone else. And that’s fine. But it doesn’t make it any less upsetting.

Sometimes I just feel so crappy about everything and would love for someone to just ask me ‘how I’m doing’. Without me having to have a cry,vent, carry on and tantrum first.

I think its just knowing that someone else who knows how your feeling, knows what’s its like to feel so alone, cares.  Because no matter how many of us go through this, I guess we all feel and cope differently, but we still understand each other.   There are a few in my life that are supportive.  They know who they are.  But then there are others who are just truly draining.  I want to be there for them, but they make it so hard.  I find it hard, so god knows how their family and friends cope.  Those around them who don’t understand how they are feeling.

When Zak died, many of our friends dropped us. Just disappeared. I really, truly believe that I have gone out of my way to make Zak dying and being around me VERY easy. So to have your RL friends just drop out of your life is hard. In saying that though I guess I do understand. They don’t know what to say and they cant make things better.

I guess that’s why I sometimes feel so alone and let down by those who do know how it all feels.

I know everyone needs to look after themselves. And maybe that’s all some can do. It just hurts though. I have just about given all I have.

Sick As A Dog

Well I have the flu/cold from hell.

I don’t think I have actually had the flu this bad before.  I really would love to go to the vet and be ‘put down’.

I have a cough that started off dry but has now turned around and become very chesty.  My head feels like it might explode at any minute and I have a mouth full of ulcers!  Even my hair hurts!

The worst part of it thought is the fact that when I get sick all my joints swell.  My knuckles end up so swollen its not funny and I cant use my wrists and have trouble walking.

Lastnight my knuckles on my fingers got so bad that I couldn’t get my rings off on my right hand.  That was ok until I could feel the blood pumping in that finger.  My finger got so swollen and started to go blue.  Then I got pins and needles.

S had to cut (with pliers) 2 of my rings off.  I couldn’t believe it.  It took him a hour to get them off.  I’m VERY sad about all of this.  I wanted to just keep them on and if my finger fell off, well at least I would still have my rings! Lol

S wasn’t very happy about that idea. 

Wonder if I can get a new ring out of all of this?  You would think between being sick and having two rings cut off there would be a chance. 

A Little Bit Of Everything & A Lot Of Nothing

I hate having to listen to the lady over the road who does nothing but scream at her kids. It is for this reason that I sent her a anonymous letter a few weeks ago telling her ‘I’ was sick of hearing her scream and use such horrible language at her kids. I posted it to her and she didn’t scream once for over a week. She’s just started again today. I told S I should have sent her an award for ‘ most improved Mother’.

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I am going to apply for my super. I no longer work and my super is just sitting there being eaten by fees. You can get your super out early hear in Australia for medical reasons. You just need to have your Dr write a letter to say you have gone mad!

I have two problems with this and neither of them is that a Dr is going to put on paper that I’m mad.

Reason 1 ….. I think having to do IVF and having a baby die should be reason enough.

Reason 2 ….. I think if your ‘mad’ then maybe you shouldn’t have kids! Lol

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To answer your question Meg …… Yes I am in Australia. We are very lucky here. We do have a lot of our IVF covered. We pay about $6000 up front and get a huge chunk of that back. But then our Government did ask us all to start having more kids. So I think they should help. (Money wise, not in the bed room)

Its just having the money ‘ up front’ that we have to save for. We still have not paid the credit card back for our last go.

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My nephew was delivered at that horrid hospital I had Zak. (Don’t mind telling you all it was very hard for me to go and visit there)

His eye looked funny and my sister asked them to check it. They said there was nothing wrong with it. A few days later she asked them again to check it. We could all tell it looked smaller and he couldn’t open it as much as the other. Once again they took him away and said they didn’t know what we were talking about.

Soon after she got out of hospital she took him to our GP. He agreed there WAS something wrong with his eye. After 3 or 4 specialists our fears have been confirmed …… His eye is smaller, he is blind in that eye, he has to have micro surgery in a few months to see if they can remove some built up fluid at the back of his eye. He will never see out of it but if the surgery goes well he will not have to have his eye removed. BUT there is still a small chance he will have to have it taken out.

What is going on at this hospital?? If we could all tell there was something wrong and we have no training then there must be a huge problem if they can’t see there is a problem.

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My dog is VERY odd. I think she may need to be placed on medication. I think she has a compulsive/obsessive disorder. She went for 2 weeks digging holes, then she moved on to stripping the bark off trees, then she moved on to carrying river rocks around in her mouth, then she moved on to eating other dogs poo (and kangaroo poo) when we go for walks and now she has moved on to carrying around broken roof tiles she has dug up from god knows where.

 

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S has a major bourbon collection that is getting way out of hand. He doesn’t spend his pay on it so I guess I shouldn’t complain but we have so much of the stuff at out house that I will have to move out soon. If there is ever a explosion in QLD Australia, don’t panic, its not terrorists, its just my house going up in smoke!

Above is just a VERY small part of his collection! (And I mean VERY small)

Our Next Cycle Will Be #9 – OH MY GOD!

Well not much is happening here atm. Though I must say that over the last week the urge to have another go of IVF has been tapping me on the shoulder.

We have not done a cycle since Feb/Mar and while I have really enjoyed not cycling, taking pills and jabbing myself (well ok, S does the jabs for me but you know what I mean) I really do feel I’m ready to try again.

So what’s stopping us?? Well that would be the lack of $$$$$$.

But we are working on that. So fingers crossed in the next month we should be jumping on the IVF roller-coaster once again to do cycle number 9! (Oh my god I can’t believe that this will be number 9).

Rosepetal, if you do pop in and read this, I hope your ok. I have been thinking of you and really hope that you are keeping your head above water. Huge hugs to you.