Australian Online Book Store

Just wanted to let those in Australia know there is a new online book store that deals in books related to:

.. Infertility Books

.. Assisted Reproductive Technology Books

.. Adoption Books

.. Adoption Parenting Books

.. Foster Care Books

.. Parenting Books

.. Country, Culture and Language Books

EPU Booked In

Had my last scan for this cycle today.  All is good and I’m booked in for EPU on Wed and transfer on Fri.  Our Dr was really happy with my lining, though I never have a lining problem so I wasn’t surprised and said he was really happy about the amount of follies.  I did tell him not to get to excited and that when he sees the two crappy embies we are left with he will feel deflated. Lol

I’m feeling really bloated this time.  Its funny because when I have got 5 or 6 eggs that’s when I have felt the most bloated but when I got 19 eggs I didn’t feel a thing.

Anyway I will let you all know how I go on Wed. 

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend.

Very Sad News

I have just read the VERY sad news on Meg’s blog.

I have no words, just absolute sadness for you both.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

Hugs

Xxx

First Scan Since Starting GonalF

Had my first scan yesterday since starting on GonalF.  I have 5 follies per side and they are all around the 10 mm mark.  So we are very happy with that.  I really do need the higher dose.  (900)  Without it I tend to be lucky to have 2 or 3 follies at EPU.

I’m having another scan tomorrow morning and then will be starting Orgalutran.  (cant wait for those purple bruises lol)

Will keep you all posted. 

‘SEX AT 6PM’ – This Book Makes Me Want To Drink

I am about 3/4 of the way through the book ‘ SEX AT 6 PM’.

I was really excited to find a book that was written by someone in Australia. (Many of the IVF books I have read have been from the US)

I have to say I am finding the book VERY hard to read. I thought it would make me upset, teary and just be a little to close to home but instead I am just finding it frustrating.

Its kind of set out in diary form and written by a lady who decides later on in life that she might like to have children, though through the whole book you do wonder why she is bothering with IVF at all as she doesn’t seem to want a baby for any other reason other than ‘ she cant have one so she wants one’. (Just my opinion after reading the book)

Anyway the reason I find the book so frustrating is because I find the female half of this couple so irrational, over the top and completely self absorbed. (Though she seems to think its her husband that has these problems)

I am definitely going to make S read the book. Then my Mum and sister. The author truly makes me look like I have it SO together! S needs to see just how good he has it.

I have not finished the book yet so I’m not 100 % sure how it ends, but if her husband leaves her I wont be overly surprised. Some of her entries made me question how he had not run her over with the car. Lol They say IVF ends many marriages, and after reading this book I truly can see how now.

Don’t get me wrong, I know all to well IVF is hard, frustrating and does make you irrational, but after knowing MANY women doing IVF I can honestly say I have never met anyone who is openly like this woman. I KNOW I’m not!  (There would be divorce at my house if I)

I’m not sure if the author has written the book knowing how ‘over the top’ she sounds/is/was or if she is in complete denial as to her behaviour but god her husband needs some kind of ‘Husband IVF’ award!

If you have read the book I would love to know what you thought of it.

The Benefits To ‘Back To Back’ Stims

 

This cycle is really odd. I have never done a ‘back to back’ cycle before so I’m really noticing a difference.

There is no excitement, hype and definitely no time to think about it. I actually forget I’m doing the cycle. If it wasn’t for S coming in each morning before he went to work to jab me I would completely forget about the cycle all together.

Maybe we should all do ‘back to back’ cycles. Seems to me it would be much better on our heads. I have had 3 days of stims and feel no different at all, but then I don’t really expect to feel anything this early on.

Will be very interesting to see what my scan on Monday shows.

Couple Suing IVF Clinic Because They Got Twins!

A LESBIAN couple is suing a Canberra doctor after one of them gave birth to twins instead of one child.

In the first case of its kind in Australia, the couple, who now live in Melbourne, are suing Dr Robert Armellin for more than $400,000 to cover the cost of raising one of the twin girls until the age of 21.
The birth mother of the girls, who are now aged three, claims Dr Armellin implanted her with two embryos, when she told him minutes before the IVF procedure in November 2003 that she only wanted one.

The women, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, told the ACT Supreme Court today the mother suffered nausea during her pregnancy and in the latter stages could only move around with a walking stick.

She said she and her partner briefly considered adopting out one of the girls but dismissed the idea.

“You thought: `Which one am I not meant to have’?” Dr Armellin’s barrister Kim Burke asked.
“Yes, I did,” the woman replied.

She said adopting out one child would be unfair to both girls.

“The primary consideration was that adoption shifted the burden of responsibility for this situation onto the children,” she said.

“The burden is not the children’s to bear. The burden is ours alone.”

The woman said she enjoyed some aspects of the pregnancy, such as decorating the girls’ nursery, but other parts were distressing, including purchasing a pram.

“It was like the last frontier of acceptance to spend hundreds of dollars on a pram,” she said.

The couple, whose combine income exceeds $100,000, are seeking $398,000 to cover the costs of raising one of the girls, including private school fees.

They also want around $15,000 to compensate them for time off work, plus an additional amount for medical expenses.

The case is the first of its kind in Australia, Ms Burke said.

There have been two other similar cases in the United Kingdom, where the names of the plaintiffs have also been suppressed.

The civil hearing before Justice Annabel Bennett continues.

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I just feel so sorry for these two toddlers. They are going to grow up knowing that only ONE of them was wanted.

Its funny how different we see the things we are handed in life. These women see ‘buying a twin pram stressful’, where I would find that a blessing and a wonderful surprise.

Now having your baby die, that’s stressful!

And So It All Starts Again!

Well the bitch arrive with full force lastnight so its right back into another cycle for us.

We go to the Dr tomorrow for bloods, u/s and the first jab!

Goodbye Cycle #9 – Hello Cycle #10

Well this cycle ended in a BFFN (big fat fu%ken negative).

But like I said in my last post, I’m just going through the motions of cycle after cycle so we will start another one as soon as the bitch turns up.

I don’t really have any thoughts on this neg result other than if I had been pg I would have been about the same amount of weeks behind my cousin and his wife (also IVF) as I was when I was pg with Zak and they were pg with their first and that’s all a little to much like last time for me plus ………… My due date would have been Zak’ birthday or 2 days later, depending on when my Dr takes your dates from.  So maybe this just saves my head some worry.  I don’t know.  

Thanks toeveryone who had their fingers and toes crossed for us. 

My Real Thoughts On Us Having Another Baby

You know that feeling you have when you first decide your going to try for a baby?  That excitement, full of ideas, hopes and day dreams of what it will be like to be a mum.  It never occurs to you that it won’t happen.  Its just something that you decide to do and a few months later your pregnant.  Then things don’t go to plan and you find out you need to do IVF.  That first few cycles you do are filled with the same hope, dreams and feelings of excitement.

Well for me that’s all gone.

These thoughts have nothing to do with me feeling like this cycle is not going to work, they are just my thoughts in general on how I feel about having another baby.  These are feelings and thoughts that seemed to sneak up on me many cycles ago, I just cant really remember when.

You see, I no longer sit there and think about having a baby at home.  I don’t wonder about what it will be like to be pregnant again.  I don’t have daydreams about me playing with a toddler anymore.  I just really cant see us having a another pregnancy, let alone a living child.

The odd thing is, I don’t have these thoughts when I’m feeling really sad, depressed or panicked about the IVF.  They are there all the time.  If someone was to ask me, ‘Do you think you will have another baby’? My answer is no.  I really don’t think we will be lucky enough to get pregnant again.

So why do I keep doing IVF?  Because I really want to be pregnant again and have a baby at home to love and care for.  Do I think it will happen? No I don’t.  I really think the chances are so very slim. 

When I do a IVF cycle there is no longer the excitement when it starts, but there is also no longer the devastation when it doesn’t work.  Not because I don’t care if it works, but because I realise well before I start the cycle that it probably wont.

So with each cycle I just go through the motions.  Bt’s, scans, needles, pills, support up the clacker, EPU’s, transfers, more needles, pills and bt’s.  Then comes the negative result and I move right on to the next cycle and do it all again.  Without any real thought.  I think thats kinda odd.

IVF has become like a boring job I do each day that I don’t really like but I do it because it is the only way we will have another baby.  It probably wont happen, but it is our only chance.

I’m not upset, having a melt down or anything while I type this.  Its just how it is.  I have no idea how long we will keep doing IVF.  I want to keep doing it until we have a healthy baby at home with us, but because I don’t think that will happen, does that mean I will do this forever??

I always wanted 4 children, and I wanted to be finished before I was 30.  I’m 31 now and have a beautiful boy.  But hes not healthy, living with us.  Hes not even alive.  Now I will be happy to have one living child before I’m 35, and then get on with life.  I don’t want to be doing IVF when I’m 40.  No offence to anyone who is, its just not for me.  But then nothing has gone to plan so far so who knows, I just might be 45 still trying to have that healthy living little person. 

When I read this back, it doesn’t upset me, worry me, panic me or make me cry.  I feel nothing.  And that my friends is what worries me the most.