They say the ‘firsts’ are the hardest.  The due date, first birthday, first anniversary of the day your baby died, first Christmas and so on.  Well whoever ‘ they’ are got it so right!We have just had our first Christmas after we lost our little man, and it was  HORRIBLE!  I have never felt so lost and ripped off in all my life. This Xmas was suppose to be so different to all the others.  Full of wonderful gifts for a chubby 6 month old.  Instead I just felt sad. We took some balloons to where we scattered Zak’s ashes and let them go.  The funny thing was that we had to get the balloons Xmas Eve as everything was shut Xmas day and by the time we let them go the helium in them was stuffed.  We let them go anyway and as they tried hard to go over the hill people who were walking up the hill kept bringing them back or us! Lol we let some of the balloons go 4 times.  🙂  If they only knew.  It did put a little smile on my face though.So now we just have a few ‘ firsts’ left.  We have Zak’s birthday and the anniversary of his death.  The first Mothers Day without him and then we should be just about ‘ firsts’ out.Tonight is New Years Eve and I can’t wait to kick 2006 out the door and start a nice new year tomorrow.2007 can only be better!!!! 


2 Responses

  1. My daughter Amelia would be 7 this month… my firsts are over and it still sucks… my heart goes out to you


  2. Thanks for your thoughts. I’m sure it is something that we will never get over. And why should we? They are our children and we should still have them with us.
    I am so sorry for your loss.

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