New Look – For Now

Yes you have come to the right place.

I know, its not as bright in here as before. But it is clean looking!

Felt like a bit of a change. I’m sure I will have my pink flowers back very soon.

But sometimes different is good.

I do have trouble finding a theme I like.

This will do for now.

I Can See You There Lurking :)

Hello all you sneaky people!!!

Yes you, I’m looking right at you!

Oh you think I cant see you when you sneak into my blog. 

Well I can, well kinda.  Ok, not at all.  But I know your looking cos my stats tell me you are.

So come on out from behind the curtain and let me know who you are.

Let me know if you think I’m mad, a raving fruitloop or if you think most of what I post is dribble.

I wont mind at all.  I would just like to know what you think and who you are. 🙂

Cycle # ????? Oh Who Can Remember!

Well the next cycle is getting closer and closer. 

The closer it gets the more I want to wait another month.

Am I going to want to put it off forever?

Do I just go ahead and do it?

Will I ever be ready?

I’m scared I might never have another baby and I’m scared I will get pg again and that baby will die as well.

A few people have said to me ‘ don’t cycle again unless you know you can cope with another loss’.

Who gets up and goes ‘ Yup I can cope with another dead baby’?

That’s just not normal to think like that.

I turn 31 in a few weeks.  I always said I wanted to have 3 kids by the time I was 30. 

Then I said I would be happy to just have one.  Well I got my one.  My one little precious angel.  I must have forgot to say I wanted a living, happy and healthy baby by the time I was 30.  Silly me!

I hope to have baby number 2 by the time I’m 32.  But I would like to state for the record, that I would like this one to live.  To be a happy, health chubby bub.  PLEASE

Zak’s Tree

Ok, while I’m gloating about plants and trees I have not killed I thought I would post a pic of Zak’s tree.

First I will tell you a little about how it came to be.

Zak’s birth tree is a Chestnut Tree. I found a chestnut Tree just before Father’s Day last year and thought it would be nice to give S for the first Fathers Day after Zak died.

I had a plaque made and S loved it.

Sadly when we moved to QLD is was just way to hot for a Chestnut. In fact where we lived in NSW was probably a little too hot as well. So the Chestnut turned into a dead stick!

We fond a lovely Tropical Native Gardenia Tree and decided to pot it and have that for Zak’s Tree. Its doing really well. And we have everything crossed it will flower in May. The month Zak was born AND got his Angel wings.



 Zak’s Tree 2




How I Feel Each Day

If I could have a lifetime wish

a dream that would come true

I’d pray to God with all my heart

for yesterday and you

A thousand words can’t bring you back

I know because I’ve tried

And neither would a million tears

I know because I’ve cried

You left behind a broken heart

and happy memories too

I never wanted memories

I only wanted you



I’m not sure who wrote this but it is just how I feel.

So whoever did write this, I thankyou.

Welcome To The World My Little Nephew

My sister gave birth lastnight to her 3rd.

She had a 8 lb 6.5 oz baby boy.

They gave him Zak for a middle name.  (Zak after our Zak obviously)

I’m really happy for them but so sad that we can’t take our little man to the hospital to visit his new cousin.

I Think We Can!!!

Ok, well after my MAJOR MEGA melt down the other night,I have decided to pull my finger out and get pregnant!  Well at least try.

We need to do IVF to have another baby so sitting around feeling sorry for myself and being to scared to do another cycle is not going to help the whole process. So its time to take charge of the situation as best I can.

We will do another cycle when af turns up next month.  We will try and get more than 1 egg.  We will try and get at least 1 (2 would be nice) wonderful looking embies.  And we will get try to get pregnant.  We will have a healthy baby next time.  Things will go nice and smoothly.

Just call me ‘Miss Positive’ today!!!!  (tomorrow might be a different story though lol)