3 Litres Of Milk Slaped Across A Nana’s Head

I think I’m a rather reasonable mother of a sleeping angel. Reasonable infertile women.

I go to baby showers, visit mums with their new bubs in hospital, talk to toddlers, talk to mums about their toddlers, smile at pg women, ask them how they are, how far along they are. Talk to women about the births of their babies. I’m happy to buy baby stuff for others, wonder in the baby department with my pg sister, read birth stories, look at photos of new bubs and be genuanly happy for couples who are all having babies around me.

When reading back on all of this, I have to say, after everything S and I have been through, I think I have it together really well. Im happy with my behaviour. With my willingness to not let the world beat me. To not let ‘whoever’ decides who should be happy and who shouldn’t be to get the better of me.

Over all I think Im a ok kinda person!

NOT TODAY!!!!!

Today for some really strange reason I just didn’t cope. I was walking through a shopping center when I came across a group of women all talking about their pg daughters and daughter who have just had bubs. These women were all cooing over their grandchildren. Showing photos to each other and talking about weights and due dates.

Normally this would all be fine. I would be very happy for them all – any other day – just not today. I don’t know why I was pissed off at them today. But as they all talked their baby dribble I felt my face go red with anger. My hand had this terrible twitch. And I had a burning desire to slap each and everyone of them across the head with a large 3 litres of milk! I wanted to scream at them all ‘ well arnt you all just fu#ken lucky. Must be nice to have live babies in your lives’.

I wanted to tell them that the rest of the world doesn’t need to hear of their cute baby stories. That the rest of the world wishes they would ‘get a room’ to disguss such topics.

That the rest of the world hates having their live baby stories rubbed in her its face.

But I didn’t. I just walked passed them all. Smiled. And died inside!

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4 Responses

  1. Oh B, I so know the feeling. I smile and do the right thing, but every time someone tells me they’re pg, or I see a swelling belly, it hurts and hurts and I have to just ignore it or I feel like it will totally eat me up… x

  2. Some people just don’t get it and will never understand what we are going through even if they were with us at the time of our losses. I say what I feel now, if people are gloating, I find the nasty Cindy pops her ugly head out and blurt “you have no idea how lucky you are” or “my son would’ve been doing that right about now if he had the chance”…. soon shuts them up and reminds them of our loss. People (some)forget and shut it out, I will never let them forget, never. You do what you need to, every day to help you through. You are a much braver lady than me.

  3. Some days suck and you’d have to be more worried if you didn’t see red sometimes. I don’t know how the anger at the unfairness of it all can ever go away completely so it figures that it will boil over sometimes. You sound totally normal to me and a bottle of milk wouldn’t leave a bruise so you’d be ok if you did hit nana with the shopping:)

  4. I hear ya totally, I have days like this all the time and it doesnt help I work in a large shopping centre too. Your aloud to have days like this and don’t feel bad for having them either!
    xx

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