Cycle # ????? Oh Who Can Remember!

Well the next cycle is getting closer and closer. 

The closer it gets the more I want to wait another month.

Am I going to want to put it off forever?

Do I just go ahead and do it?

Will I ever be ready?

I’m scared I might never have another baby and I’m scared I will get pg again and that baby will die as well.

A few people have said to me ‘ don’t cycle again unless you know you can cope with another loss’.

Who gets up and goes ‘ Yup I can cope with another dead baby’?

That’s just not normal to think like that.

I turn 31 in a few weeks.  I always said I wanted to have 3 kids by the time I was 30. 

Then I said I would be happy to just have one.  Well I got my one.  My one little precious angel.  I must have forgot to say I wanted a living, happy and healthy baby by the time I was 30.  Silly me!

I hope to have baby number 2 by the time I’m 32.  But I would like to state for the record, that I would like this one to live.  To be a happy, health chubby bub.  PLEASE

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3 Responses

  1. B,
    I don’t think we are ever ready. I’m sitting here waiting for my clinic to call for my fet, and I’m still considering cancelling it.
    BUT— we’ve been through this much; so take heart that you are strong and will get through it! x

  2. At least you answered the ‘don’t cycle unless you can cope with another loss’ comment sensibly.

    I read on a blog a while back (password protected now so can’t link you) that she wanted to give up after her daughter died but then realised that she didn’t want her daughter to carry the burden of having broken them but rather wanted that enormous love they shared to give her the strength to try again.

    I only repeat it because it was so beautiful and I had never seen any sentiment written like that anywhere else before.

    It’s natural to be scared after all you’ve suffered but you have to do what is right for you, no matter what thet ends up meaning. ((hugs))

  3. It is such a hard decision to make, I am with Patience, I don’t think we are ever ready for the unknown…if we knew it was going to work and we knew we would get to bring home the end result and get to hold and love our child forever you wouldn’t even have to think about it. You will know when you are ready. I am sure Zak would love a baby brother or sister.

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