How Many More Of ‘Those’ Phone Calls Will There Be?

You know when your baby dies and you get the people who call to say how sorry they are and then you get the people who call to see how your pregnancy is going because they have no idea your baby is dead??!!

When do these calls ever stop?

For months after Zak died I would get phone calls or run into people at the shops who didn’t know what happened. They would ask where our baby was. ‘You must have given birth by now?’

‘Yup sure have, we had a boy, he died’.

What else do you say. You kind of feel like you have to jump in with the ‘dead baby’ bit before they congratulate you because it will be far worse for them to say ‘how happy they are for you’ and THEN get told your baby is not alive.

So you jump in to tell them your sad news. Almost like your desperate for them to know, almost giving the impression your a hard, uncaring person who doesn’t care your baby is dead. But you do it to save THEIR feelings.

I wonder if they know that?

I thought I was over running into people or having people ask. Its been months since I have had a phone call from a caring person who is just calling to see how I am. A phone call from someone who I have not talked to for so long that the last time I saw them I wasn’t even pregnant.

So when the phone rang today and the person at the other end asked ‘ what we had been up to’ my heart dropped to the very bottom of my stomach.

‘What do you know?’ I had no idea if someone had told her. How much she knew, if she knew anything about what had happened.

So when she said ‘nothing, why what’s happened’? I just wanted to die.

It knocked the wind out of me and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to hang up and cry. Instead I just cried.

I was so sure phone calls like this were finished with.

They are draining conversations to have. They upset all that are having the conversation. I feel bad for the people that ring, having no idea what they are about to be told.

You can tell they are just wanting the ground to open up so they can fall in to a big hole. You know they wish they hadn’t called at all. And you know they probably wont call again.

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5 Responses

  1. Like you don’t have enough to deal with, but then the guilt of making other people feel bad too, it’s more than you should have to deal with. But over the last couple of years most people have commented on how the burden of all sorts of extra things fall on them even when they just can’t carry any more. I’m sorry that you had to get pulled back into the black hole today. Let’s hope this is the last phone call like it ((hugs))

  2. I am so sorry that you have these calls. hell i am so sorry that these calls have to happen!!
    Just know i am here thinking of you!!!
    xxx

  3. The lady in Coles said to me a couple of weeks ago ; “oh your little ones must be keeping you busy now!” I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me….

  4. That is the worst thing you have to do, firstly try and word the dreaded sentence so that you still protect your heart and don’t strart crying, but also in a way so you don’t accidentally offend the receiver. I usually respond with ‘yes, we had a little boy, we named him Luke, but he lives in Heaven now’. I hate saying the d word, it’s so confronting for me. It keeps on going forever I think. Luke would’ve been 2 next month and I still get people asking me dumb stuff where you wish the earth would open up so you can disappear. I just think well it’s nice that they remember me from that long ago and that they are polite enough to ask. They aren’t to know any different, very tough situation though.

  5. Oh, I am so sorry for you. You are such a wonderful person that you care so much about what the other person feels.

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