No Baby From Cycle #8

Well today was the end of cycle #8.  I’m afraid I don’t have any good news to bring to the table.  Cycle # 8 ended with a ‘big fat fu%$en neg’!

I feel so tired and flat. I just don’t even think I can find the energy to be upset.  S looks terrible and I don’t really know what to say to him.  I don’t know how to make him feel better.  I can’t tell him everything will be ok, because I don’t know if it will.  We may never get to have another baby.

I thought I would be really upset but I just have this ‘nothing’ feeling.  All I can think is how this really isn’t that bad. I have a dead baby, now that’s bad.  I guess life can’t get worse than having something you have wanted for so long snatched from you before you ever got to know him.  So a neg pregnancy test just seems so unimportant.

We wont be doing another cycle next month.  I just cant bring myself to do that the month that Zak would have been one.  May is just full of to much.  Mother’s Day, then Zak’s birthday, then S’s birthday and then the 1st anniversary of Zak dying. It would just be to much to do a cycle with all of that going on.  We will wait 2 or 3 months and then give it another go.

I want to thank everyone who pops in to see how I’m going. Thank-you all for being so supportive.  It really is nice to know people you have never met care about what’s going on in your life.


7 Responses

  1. Sweetheart, I’m so sorry- you and S deserve better than this.

    Hugs to you both xxx

  2. i am sorry brenda, i wish there was something i could say to make it better.

    Love lisa

  3. I’m so sorry Brenda. ((hugs))

  4. I am so sorry to read this blog. Thinking of you – take care of each other xxx

  5. Oh darling, I am sorry to hear.

    My thoughts are with you and I hope you know that you can lean on all of us through this difficult upcoming month.

  6. I’m so sorry this cycle is over Brenda. I wish it were different – I wish it were all different. Thinking of you as well as all these difficult milestones come up. (((Hugs)))

  7. I am sorry chickee xx

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