I Have Been Thinking Of You All

Well its been a little while since I have popped in and written something.

Not like me I know.

I guess I have felt a little down the last few days after reading different blogs.

I have a few I read and I love hearing all the wonderful news you all have to share, but over the last few days some of you have had such bad news and I just found it all a little over whelming. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better and I know telling you all that ‘I’m thinking of you’, ‘I have everything crossed for you’ and ‘not to give up hope’ is almost a cope out.

I hate it when people say to me ‘ don’t worry you will get pg again’. Because you know that its not that simple. And you know that life is not always kind so its just might not happen.

I guess because I have been through the death of a baby I feel like I should have something more meaningful to tell you all. But I don’t. I feel I have nothing to offer other than stupid comments that I know are probably driving you mad.

I do think about you all the time. All of you. Those of you who have good news, those of you who are still trying so hard to to take hold of your dream and those of you who have found your dream but just cant keep hold of it.

With Mother’s Day soon to be knocking at our door I find myself thinking of all the women who who will wake up with that extra pain in their heart. That sick feeling and memories of a baby that should be there, crawling up onto your bed to give you a hand made card.

And these thoughts really makes me feel so powerless and sad.

I went to Hospital on Mothers Day last year and had Zak early the next morning. So for me, Mothers Day is a really sad reminder of not only a Mothers Day with out my little man here but also the start of a few horrible days that will forever be with me.

Mothers day for me is not only a day that was the start to me being a Mum of a live baby but also the end to a new life that S and I so desperately wanted.

No one get me wrong, while this sounds like I’m going through some sad and miserable moments today, I’m not.

Yes I so miss Zak and wish he was here now. But this post is not me having a ‘bad day’.

Its just some thoughts I wanted to get out.

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