The last Of ‘The Firsts’ & Goodbye To A Shitty Week

Firstly I want to thank all of you for your very kind support, wishes and love for S, Zak and I over this very hard last week. I have to say that once Zak’s 1st birthday was over I felt a little relief and then exhaustion took over and all I wanted to do was sleep. That night I went to bed early and never moved an inch or woke until the next morning. I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

Anyway back to the details.

The day of Zak’s birthday (15 th May) we went to Mum and Dads, met up with all the family and then headed off to the lookout where we scattered his ashes.

Some friends of Mum and Dads has sent us a beautiful bunch of flowers with a blue teddy so we took the flowers down with us to throw in the water. (We will pop the teddy in Zak’s box of memories).

Zak’s 1st Birthday

We took some 1st birthday blue balloons with us. We gave each of my nieces a balloon each to give to Zak (or keep if they wanted – didn’t want any tears) and we let them all go. Miss 5 and Miss 3 were both very happy to part with their balloons and both yelled out ‘Happy Birthday’ to Zak as they let theirs go.

Zak’s 1st Birthday

Zak’s 1st Birthday

After that we went down to some picnic tables and got fish&chips and just had dinner together. It was really nice and we were there for ages. Where we let the balloons go was VERY windy but once we moved down to the picnic tables it was really nice. It wasn’t ‘sad’ or ‘morbid’ or anything like that. I was determined it wasn’t going to turn into a really depressing arvo/night. My head just wouldn’t cope with that.

The next day (S’s birthday) S, Frankie and I headed off for a few days. We went to a little town called Dunoon. Inland of Byron Bay. Just beautiful. But when I say ‘little’ I mean VERY little. It had a General Store, mechanic, Aust Post and a VERY small Club where you could get meals. There was also a church and S and I found it very amusing as it was ‘for sale’. We wondered what ‘GOD’ would do with his money and would he make a profit. 🙂

The house we stayed in was very old. Built in 1899. But it had been really looked after and the gardens were just beautiful.


Frankie had a wonderful time in the VERY red dirt. I think S had a nice birthday. He didn’t mention it much so other than saying ‘Happy birthday’ to him (I had given him his gifts a few days before) I just kept quiet about it. That’s what he wanted so that’s what we did. We did go out for dinner and it was nice to be in a place where no one knew you or what had happened. There was a fire place and it was nice and cold there so we had a nice time just relaxing and keeping warm.


We headed home yesterday. It was 1 year since Zak died. We called into the lookout again with more balloons. A little boy was there with his Mum and Nana watching us so we gave him a balloon, tied it around his wrist. I didn’t want him upset because we had balloons and he didn’t and we were just ‘throwing’ ours away.

We had a nice bunch of all different blue balloons. It was SO windy that when we let them go they headed off towards the trees and then over the huge hill that’s there.



Now I didn’t want Zak’s very special best friends not having any balloons so we let a pink balloon go for Chloe. It was windy and we did have trouble keeping the balloon still so I could take a pic for you Sharon.



And a pink one each for Houdini, Grover, Piper and a blue one for Laine.



I’m so glad the week is over.

I feel a little more at ease maybe? Calm? I don’t know. I feel a little less ‘something’.