Feeling A Little Better About Things

I just want to thank everyone again for your posts and private emails to me.

You all should know just how wonderful and supportive you all are.

In my ‘mad’ state yesterday I sent a email to a few a lot of midwives ALL over the world to try and get a answer to my question.

I did get a reply from a midwife at ‘Womens Health Info Line’ in QLD Australia  (were I live lol) and it really did make me feel so much better.

I thought I would post her reply just in case it helps make someone else feel a little bit better about that horrible question I’m sure so many of us keep asking ourselves.  (I will leave the ladies name off the bottom as I’m not sure if I’m suppose to post things like this)

“Dear Brenda, thanks for your email.
Babies in the womb do use their bowels when there is a lack of oxygen.  If your baby’s skin was stained with the meconium it is likely the event happened some time before the birth.  The foetal brain requires adequate oxygenation in order to sense pain, so if there was deprivation of oxygen to Zak’s brain, then it is physiologically very unlikely that he was in any pain.  All premature babies are sedated while they have assisted respiratory ventilation.  The massive bleeding on the brain may also suggest that this occurred in the womb, the brain sensory pathways would therefore not be working so he would not have felt any pain.
I hope you find it reassuring to know that Zak wasn’t in any pain while you carried him in your womb.  It is a heartbreaking tragedy that will stay with you as long as you and your husband live on.  I’m going to supply you with the details of support groups just in case you don’t have them and remember your GP can refer you on to a psychologist for grief counselling if you haven’t already done so.

505 Bowen Terrace New Farm 4005
COST:  Free
PHONE:  (07) 3254 3422
EMAIL/WEB:  sandsqld@powerup.com.au
Offers mutual support for parents who experience the
Death of their baby through stillbirth, neonatal death or miscarriage, their
Families and friends. Also deal with interruption of pregnancy for foetal
Abnormalities. Regular support meetings are held day and evenings in
Brisbane and throughout Qld and Australia.  Supportive listeners –
Bereaved parents – offer 24-hour telephone support and understanding
For bereaved parents.  Other services – monthly newsletter, library,
Information on specific aspects of the death of a baby, liaison, education
And advocacy.

Take care Brenda
Regards ………….. ”


7 Responses

  1. That was so nice of her to reply and I hope its reasuring B?? Sweetheart I know its hard and know we are here if you need anything. xx

  2. Hi Brenda, sorry to chime in a bit late, but the research on foetal pain is relatively new. During my first pregnancy in 99/00 there was new info to suggest premature babies feel pain. Up until that point they had been performing some procedures on infants without pain relief so there must have been evidence that not all the nerve pathways were laid down until term. Anyway, it is a subject under scrutiny in recent years and the info that lovely midwife gave you is bound to be the very latest and most accurate.

    I am so distressed that you are under so much pressure all the time and whether it’s possible or not, I wish you peace whenever I think of you. Even if only for a moment. Zak was a beautiful boy (((hugs))) Jill x

  3. Oh Brenda. I’m so glad she responded. And she confirmed what I was thinking about the oxygen and pain receptors (I unfortunately wasn’t able to put it that eloquently–for that I still feel bad)
    Zak is beautiful. He looks so peaceful in that picture. You are so lucky to have so many pictures of your sweet boy.

  4. Oh Brenda, I can feel our pain in my heart. Have tears streaming down my face for you and for me, for your baby and for my girls. Yesterday was 4 years since I’ve held my girls in my arms and although the pain becomes more bareable, it hasn’t gone away.

    It was so nice of that midwife to respond to you, I hope her words were of some comfort to you. Its such a shock when the grief sneaks up on you like that without any warning, it doesn’t happen to me so much these days, but when it does it still knocks me for a six.

    Zak is so beautiful, you are so blessed to have such beautiful photos of your boy, even though it maybe little consulation for not having him in your arms.

    Hugs and kisses to you and Zak…

  5. Dear Brenda,

    I get it too. Sometimes the grief just comes on so strongly that I think I may just be losing my mind. I am very glad that the midwife wrote back (what a lovely note). If we get even a little, tiny bit of relief from all the guilt/grief/despair that we have, it makes such a huge difference. That’s what this midwife did for you and for those of us reading this. Take care, Brenda and thank you for all the encouragement on my blog. I may be half way around the world, but I feel your kindness, caring and warmth all the way here!


  6. I am pleased you received an honest, informative response from the midwife. How bizaare that she is so close. Support groups are terrific, our local one that our dear friend MA set up was wonderful to help me through my worst times. Just remember that there are no rules to grief, no time limits, just look after yourself and each other. Hugs.

  7. Thanks Sweetie for signing my blog. And no sweets you did not hurt me in anyway by your writing in your blog. I am So glad that the midwife got back to you and could hopefully put your mind at ease at least some. HUGE HUGS

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