Someone To Talk To

I thought it might be a idea to find myself a nice psychologist to chat to.

Don’t get me wrong, S is great to talk to but I think I need to cry.

S is also fine to cry with, but I feel bad.  He has to go to work each day and he doesn’t need to be worried if I’m coping or not.  I try so hard not to get upset around him and I know he would be really upset to think I didn’t want to cry around him but he just doesn’t need that worry.  If he thinks I’m at home crying all the time I know he will feel terrible and helpless stuck at work worried about me.

I try not to cry around Mum and Dad.  My Dad is not coping really well with the whole thing and he gets so upset.  I need my Dad to know we are ok so hes not upset all the time.

Its hard work keeping in all this sadness.  Sometimes all the emotions come from no where and there is just no keeping them in.  I think this might be why I feel worse now than I did 12 months ago.

Anyway I was looking in the phone book for someone to talk to who was close to home.  I found the name of a lady but it didn’t say what she specialised in so I thought I would give her a call.  As it turns out she works one day per week about 10 minutes from my home and shes connected to the IVF clinic we go to!  How odd is that??  She specialises in IVF and pg loss.  Not only will it cost me nothing (as she works with the IVF clinic so I’m covered through them) but she had a cancellation on Wed. 

Everything fell into place and I feel like I went looking for someone at the right time, I called at the right time, just when I needed to talk to someone the most.

Hope she has a big box of tissues because I think once I start I might not be able to stop!

Just Some Dribble

I don’t think I have gone this long between posts.

I just don’t have the energy to post these days. I do still get on and read all your blogs, but I have been bad at posting comments.

I think I may need my ‘happy pill’ dose upped. I just don’t feel as good as I use to. I have been really good at taking them but I seem to feel more and more like I did before I ever started them. I was put on them before I was even pg with Zak, so after all that’s happened maybe I just need a higher dose to help deal with it all. Don’t know.

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The bitch is suppose to show up today. Then cycle number 9 will start. Shes not here yet. Shes always on time, except when I want her to come so I can cycle. Then she goes on holiday. It really does just go to show what kind of a cow she is.

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In a couple of weeks it will be S and my 6 year anniversary. We always get each other just something little. He collects bourbon for the US. I called the Makers Mark gift shop in the US and ordered some dipped shot glasses and a baby boy cigar. As he is a Dad I think its only appropriate that he has a MM cigar with baby blue wax to add to his collection.

I told them not to worry about contacting me about postage. S buys full bottles from the US all the time and pays about $30 US. So I knew it wasn’t going to cost that much. How much could 2 shot glasses and a cigar cost to post?? $65 US dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!! My god I just about died. It turned two $5 shot glasses into $35 shot glasses. I love S very much but hell that’s one VERY expensive postage fee! I’m sure he will appreciate the thought. Ha ha ha

Im sure they will be worth every cent! Lol

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My sisters 3 kids all came down with the Chicken Pox in the last 2 weeks. Just as she gets the first to get them back to kindy she catches the measles. So it will be a little while before I can see my nieces and nephew. Don’t think measles is great when starting a IVF cycle. My poor sister will be going mad with 3 sick kids for weeks.

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I never drink coffee when doing a cycle. But leading up to this cycle I have yet to stop. I only have one every couple of days, but still, its something I have normally stopped by now. I feel really bad that I’m still drinking it. I know it wont make any difference to me getting pg, but it will make a difference to how my head handles a neg result.