Zak’s Place At Christmas Time

Just wanted to share a photo taken on Christmas day when we went with our family to where Zak’s ashes were put. I was pg so no one would let me climb down to the water but S and my sister went and took some flowers for me. My sister also brought me back a nice big rock to put with Zak’s tree and plaque.
The photos were taken with my phone so they are not the best and its taken me all this time to work out how to get photos off my phone onto my computer.
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Protected: Midwife Appointment

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Protected: Pads – My New Best Friend

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I Have Been Tagged!

For the first time ever I have been tagged!  Its kinda exciting being tagged for the first time.  Thanks Jennifer!!  So here goes:
The rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you (done).

2) Post the rules.

3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.

4) Tag at least three people.

5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Now six non-important things about me:

1 – Even though I live in sunny QLD (Australia) I HATE the heat.  I hate it so much that each morning when the weather is being shown I take no notice of what the temps here will be (no use,it will just wreck my day lol) and only focus on what the VERY lucky people in Queenstown TAS are going to be having.  Lucky little bunnies they are!

2 – I like to eat pizza with a knife and fork.

3 – When I’m really tired I like to go to bed 30 min before S.  I love going to bed while there is still noise in the house.  Our computer is not far from our bedroom door and the sound of the keyboard keys being hit helps me sleep.

4 – I LOVE listening to books being read out loud.  The day of a IVF egg pickup when I’m groggy from the anesthetic I can normally talk S into reading to me in bed. 

5 – I have a few tattoos.  One of them is our wedding date written in Chinese.  Its on my hip and S has the same one at the top of his back.  People ask what will happen if we get divorced.  S tells them he will put the divorce date underneath with the words ‘The End’. Ha ha  I find the tattoo handy because unlike S, I can NEVER remember the date we got married! 🙂

6 – I can never understand it when people say they don’t dream or cant remember their dreams.  I can have 3 or 4 dreams a night and remember them all.  I dream a lot that I have a gun and have to shoot lots of ‘bad guys’.  (I think I work for the FBI or something in those dreams)  The other night I had a dream I was a fireman! Ha ha ha  My dreams are VERY exhausting.  I’m stuffed when I wake up.  I think I might watch too much TV.

So there is a little dribble about me.  I think I may have mad myself sound a little abnormal. Lol  Here is who I tag: The littlest bean, Baby Quest & A Brief History Of ‘YOU’.

Frankie’s First Game Of The Season

We took Frankie down to our local park the other day. There is a basketball hoop down there so S took a ball down. Frankie decided she would like to join in. She really took over S’s little game he was having by himself but she had a great time.
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She is still a pup though and her energy doesn’t last to long. At quarter time she decided it was time to sit the rest of the game out and watch from the sidelines. 🙂
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For Those Who Have A Blogger/Blogspot Account

Just a quick post to those who use blogger.
When my computer crashed I lost my blogger account.
I can no longer sign in.  Some blogspot blogs allow comments
from all blogs such as wordpress (I use wordpress) but some of you have your blogs set to only allow blogspot comments.
It is for this reason I have not been commenting on many of your blogs.
I have however been reading them.  As soon as I can workout how to get my blogger account working again I will be back to posting.

Started As A Nothing Post – Ended Up PG Dribble (Sorry)

Well its been a little while since I have posted.  Life is just so uneventful at the moment that there really is nothing much to post about.  Though I must say, uneventful is kinda nice sometimes.  🙂 
S has been busy with work and is also going for a job at a much bigger store.  He really wants it.  I think he’s bored where he is.  Before we moved here he was at a really busy store and I think he misses all the action, customers and so on.  So I really hope he gets it.
Its been really hot here today.  I HATE it!  Give me 10 deg and rain anyday.  I really live in the wrong part of Australia.  Maybe even the wrong country.  I should move in with Santa.  Hes got the right idea. 
I wouldn’t normally do this without a password but I just wanted to ask you all if being pg a second time after a loss made you a little ……… selfish about things.  I think selfish is the word I’m looking for.  When I was pg with Zak and we ended up in hospital and had him I was happy for all to be there, help out and even take control.  Even before he was born, when talking to relatives about what would happen in the hours/days after he was born I was very open to everything.  I could never understand why some women like to have no visitors for the first few days.  I still really don’t get that I guess.  I was happy for all that wanted to be at the hospital to be there before he was even born.  This time I feel so differently.
I feel really stressed at the thought of people coming to the hospital to wait while we have bub.  I know I would like my Mum and Dad there.  Not in with us, but there waiting.  Other than that though I want all other family members to wait till we are ready.  I feel bad for feeling like this.  I think a big bit of it is I know because we are having a c section I will have to sit in recovery for up to an hour while everyone else is holding, looking and touching bub.  Obviously I’m happy that S will be able to do this.  I also really want my Mum and Dad to be there but I get a bit angry and jealous at the thought of everyone else getting to see/hold bub before me.  I don’t know why I feel like this.  I know its kinda selfish.  I also know that there will be some that will have their nose put out of joint and for that I feel bad as well.
I don’t expect anyone to stay away the day bub is born.  I just want them to wait till S and I are ready.  Bub could end up in special care due to being born at 36 weeks and because I wont be able to get in there for a day I don’t want there to be 10 family members all in there 5 mins after bub arrives.  Sure later on that day I don’t mind, but just not right away.  I also think the whole thing is going to be overly emotional for S and I and I really just want to have 5 min to breath and take it all in.  I need to have that time to sort myself out.
I have talked to S about all of this and he doesn’t see it as a big problem.  Hes happy to tell his side of the family (who are all planing to stay 2 min from the hospital the day before we go in and for a couple of days after) not to come to the hospital until he calls.  He keeps telling me I don’t have to worry if I upset anyone because its not about anyone else other than us so I know I have his support and understanding.  Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t have a problem with his parents and sister coming and staying near the hospital.  That’s all fine and I understand them wanting to.  I just hope when they are asked to wait they understand and go with our wishes.
I feel bad that I would like my Mum and Dad to be there but then I think it only makes sense that I would want my Mum there.  Shes MY Mum. 
Did anyone else feel like this when going through their pregnancy after having a baby die or am I being irrational???  Selfish???  Over emotional???