Started As A Nothing Post – Ended Up PG Dribble (Sorry)

Well its been a little while since I have posted.  Life is just so uneventful at the moment that there really is nothing much to post about.  Though I must say, uneventful is kinda nice sometimes.  🙂 
S has been busy with work and is also going for a job at a much bigger store.  He really wants it.  I think he’s bored where he is.  Before we moved here he was at a really busy store and I think he misses all the action, customers and so on.  So I really hope he gets it.
Its been really hot here today.  I HATE it!  Give me 10 deg and rain anyday.  I really live in the wrong part of Australia.  Maybe even the wrong country.  I should move in with Santa.  Hes got the right idea. 
I wouldn’t normally do this without a password but I just wanted to ask you all if being pg a second time after a loss made you a little ……… selfish about things.  I think selfish is the word I’m looking for.  When I was pg with Zak and we ended up in hospital and had him I was happy for all to be there, help out and even take control.  Even before he was born, when talking to relatives about what would happen in the hours/days after he was born I was very open to everything.  I could never understand why some women like to have no visitors for the first few days.  I still really don’t get that I guess.  I was happy for all that wanted to be at the hospital to be there before he was even born.  This time I feel so differently.
I feel really stressed at the thought of people coming to the hospital to wait while we have bub.  I know I would like my Mum and Dad there.  Not in with us, but there waiting.  Other than that though I want all other family members to wait till we are ready.  I feel bad for feeling like this.  I think a big bit of it is I know because we are having a c section I will have to sit in recovery for up to an hour while everyone else is holding, looking and touching bub.  Obviously I’m happy that S will be able to do this.  I also really want my Mum and Dad to be there but I get a bit angry and jealous at the thought of everyone else getting to see/hold bub before me.  I don’t know why I feel like this.  I know its kinda selfish.  I also know that there will be some that will have their nose put out of joint and for that I feel bad as well.
I don’t expect anyone to stay away the day bub is born.  I just want them to wait till S and I are ready.  Bub could end up in special care due to being born at 36 weeks and because I wont be able to get in there for a day I don’t want there to be 10 family members all in there 5 mins after bub arrives.  Sure later on that day I don’t mind, but just not right away.  I also think the whole thing is going to be overly emotional for S and I and I really just want to have 5 min to breath and take it all in.  I need to have that time to sort myself out.
I have talked to S about all of this and he doesn’t see it as a big problem.  Hes happy to tell his side of the family (who are all planing to stay 2 min from the hospital the day before we go in and for a couple of days after) not to come to the hospital until he calls.  He keeps telling me I don’t have to worry if I upset anyone because its not about anyone else other than us so I know I have his support and understanding.  Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t have a problem with his parents and sister coming and staying near the hospital.  That’s all fine and I understand them wanting to.  I just hope when they are asked to wait they understand and go with our wishes.
I feel bad that I would like my Mum and Dad to be there but then I think it only makes sense that I would want my Mum there.  Shes MY Mum. 
Did anyone else feel like this when going through their pregnancy after having a baby die or am I being irrational???  Selfish???  Over emotional???

9 Responses

  1. I don’t think you’re being irrational or selfish at all. I was in a bad way after my first two c-sections and the visitors made things hellish at times. Plus Caitey got a cold at 3 days old from someone else’s visitors and was sick almost continuously for the first 18 months of her life. My attitude is that apart from neccessary medical staff, if you weren’t there when the baby went in, you aren’t going to be there when the baby comes out. Trying to keep everyone happy made me miserable and so by the time Caitey came to be I had stopped feeling guilty and did as I damn well pleased. No apologies. And you know what? People who matter are going to understand how freaked out you are going to be and they won’t mind waiting an hour or two. Anyone carrying on like this baby is more about THEM than YOU, who gives a crap whether they’re offended or not? That’s just my 2c. Childbirth is a huge event and it has to be the way you want it to be (to the extent that you can control it) regardless of your history. You only get to birth this baby once, don’t feel guilty for protecting your family (and that means protecting yourself too!).

    OK, jumping off my soapbox now:)

    ~ jill ~

  2. first, I don’t think you are being selfish. Second, why will you be in recovery without the baby? I had the baby with me at all times after the section except while she was being weighed etc. Demand to have the baby with you!

  3. No completely sane and totally understandable. It is a massive thing and it’s for you and S to deal with in the way you want to. It will be emotional. The good thing is if you change your mind you can always call them and tell them once Bub is born. You and S and Bub are the most important ones in all of this I’m sure you’re family will understand.

  4. B, when I lost our baby his parents avoided us like the plague. Did not go to the hospital, nor did they go to our home while I recovered. Did not talk about her or her death. Like it didn’t fucking happen. This saddened me very much. This time around, they can stay on the moon for all I care. I don’t want them around. They could not be there for Emi when she passed, they can stay the hell away now. I’m doing what I want, and my husband, like yours supports me. I just want my mom and him there – that’s it.

    You do what you have to do. Have you not suffered enough? Sometimes, suffering makes us selfish…because we learn to take care of ourselves as we nurture our wounds. I think it’s a byproduct of the splendid luck we’ve had with procreation. I say do what you want. I’m glad your husband understands.


  5. …sorry…
    please email me your password so that I can view your posts on your pregnancy.


  6. I totally understand and I actually got to the stressed out stage during the end that when people asked me if I was up for visitors I would say no sorry maybe once I have been transferred to the private hospital after a couple of days so I have time to recover and take it all in. People were understanding and kind. Just be honest with them. If they don’t get it well they aren’t really your friends. I had Josh with me in recovery after my c-section at 38 weeks and I fed him for the first time while I was there and then they wheeled us down to the ward together joined as one on my bed, it was lovely although D panicked when I came back into the ward as he was looking for the baby cot. Do what feels right for you and ask lots of questions when you are at the doctors. Think of you often and here if you need to ask anything else xx

  7. You are Not being selfish! It’s totally understandable to feel the way you do. totally! You have to do what makes You most comfortable and safe. If anyone doesn’t understand then to heck with them! HUGS sweets!

  8. Hey Bren. It is not selfish at all. Tony and I both felt strongly that we just wanted it to be him, me and Zoe for the first few hours- just to have that time alone with her. We didn’t tell anyone the date of my c/s and by the time we rang everyone( my c/s was in the afternoon) it was to late to visit that day. As you know Zoe went to special care and by not having any visitors( except my mum and dad) by the time I got my first cuddle I knew that it had only been Tony cuddling her before me.

    I say just do whats right for you and Scott and bugger anyone else. Could you maybe tell a fib that your c/s is in the afternoon rather than the morning?

  9. I don’t think you’re being selfish AT ALL. After all you’ve been through, why should you be the last to hold your baby?

    If people get their nose out of joint that’s just tough luck. YOU are the one that suffered through so many IVFs to get this baby, not them.

    I feel the same way about wanting people to stay away until I am ready, actually probably more extremely than you do.

    I think you’re normal B, for once 😉

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