Another Baby Born

My cousin has just had her second baby. Tonight.
She was a little ahead of me with her first (when I was pg with Zak) and she gave birth 3 days after Zak’s funeral. I went to the hospital to see her and her new little bundle the day she was born. I wanted to, I needed to. I had a hold and I was fine. I’m not sure if I could have gone if her bub was born a few weeks later. I think I may have been in shock.
Once again I’m behind her, second pg for both of us but for some reason the thought of going to the hospital to visit worries me. I will go see her next week once they are at home but I just cant bring myself to go to the hospital. Maybe because its the hospital I was suppose to have Zak at, maybe because I feel like a bit of a freak show. The girl with the dead baby who is once again pregnant behind her cousin. Maybe I’m scared people will be wondering if she will have two babies at home and I will have two dead ones. I’m not sure.
I hope my cousins understand. I’m very happy for them both and cant wait to hold their new little man. I just need a week.

3 Responses

  1. Brenda, I think the way you feel is normal. As normal as you can be at this time. You have so many memories of Zak, bouncing around in your head and heart how can you not feel this way?! I don’t think I could see a baby or hold one right now and we are almost 3 month out of losing William.

    Thank you for posting the NILDS link. It is so important to get word out…no one else should suffer like we have, everyone should have every resource available to them without having to ask.

  2. It’s NILMDS not NILDS, sorry! I need to learn to spell check before I click submit!

  3. I completely understand your feelings. I would probably feel just the same way.

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